Part 1: Lessons From Taylor Swift's "Miss Americana" Documentary

I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan from the very beginning. Her talent and hard work is rare and I guess I’ve just always loved her music, message and the example she sets for young women. So when Miss Americana hit Netflix a few weeks ago, I marked my calendar and watched it as soon as it came out. Wow. I actually didn't realize how good it would be. It’s an incredibly raw and honest look into her world and I appreciate her even more now. There are a few lines and messages from Miss Americana that have really stuck with me. I keep rolling them around in my mind and as you know, when that happens, we blog. So here we are. I could do a really long list, but you know I like to keep these brief and also it’s a long weekend holiday and I’ve spent all day writing and working and I just want to go outside and play. So we’ll keep this manageable. Maybe I’ll do a part 2…

On Kanye: “When you’re living for the approval of strangers, and that is where you derive all of your joy and fulfillment, one bad thing can cause everything to crumble.” Taylor said this about that time when Kanye took the stage during her speech at the 2009 VMAs and humiliated her in front of…well…literally everyone in the entire world. The crowd boo’d. She was 17. With the acoustics, she didn’t realize the crowd was boo’ing Kanye and not her. She had worked so hard to win this global achievement and in one moment the reality (Kanye) blended with the fiction (she thought the crowd was boo’ing her), and the bottom dropped out. There are so many threads to pull out here, I don’t even know where to start. The one that has stuck with me the most is the concept that a moment in time can impact you for years. Decades. Obviously hers was on a global scale, but it takes me back to a time in junior high. I was overweight and generally unpopular. Kids were nice to me, but mostly because my family lived in a big fancy home with boats and Porsches and I had nice things. That’s another topic for another day. Anyways, I was sitting in one of my classes during a break and I could hear some kids talking about a party or a get together. One of them said something like, “Should we invite Amy Ogden?” And then this boy who I thought was really handsome looked over at me and said, “I don’t know. I mean, she’s just…huge.” That was like 30 years ago and I’m crying writing those words. I spent the next several years working out and cutting my hair and getting contacts and being a cheerleading captain and dating the Prom King. And to this day, on the inside I always feel…huge. Moments matter. Words matter. We all have moments that stay with us. I was living for the approval of strangers, too. I wanted to be accepted and for the boy to like me back and all the things that come with adolescence. What’s the lesson here? I wish I knew. I’m sitting here sobbing for a 13 year old girl who just wanted friends and to fit in. I guess it’s probably something like knowing it’s okay to seek approval, but to also know that the actions and opinions of others have nothing to do with your worth, value or place in the world. And also to remember that your (my!) actions and words can also be a tipping point for someone else, and to be so aware of the energy you put out into the world. I can be guilty of speaking lightly or carelessly about important things or people and this was a good reminder to me - words matter.

On Pleasing Everyone: “If you’re thin enough, then you don’t have that ass that everybody wants, but if you have enough weight on you to have an ass, then your stomach isn’t flat enough. It’s all just f***ing impossible.” Preach. In the documentary, Taylor opens up about having an eating disorder and how she moved past it. I can’t even imagine seeing photos of me at every angle, every moment of the day. But this is about so much more. This is about always being “too” this and “not enough” that in all areas of life. We’ve all been there, right? For me, this comes up a lot in dating. The story I tell myself is that I’m “too” this and “not enough” that when it comes to relationships. I’m learning hard, fast and constantly that I’ll never make everyone happy. Ever. So I’m finding so much peace in being who I authentically am and doing what I really want to do and knowing those who love me will be along for the journey.

On Moving Past Your Past: When Taylor was talking about her eating disorder, she talked about the photos of her that are posted every .0001 seconds. She used to zoom in on the photos and criticize her body. But now she doesn't zoom. She doesn’t let herself, because that can take her back to her old ways. She said something like, “The old me zoomed in on photos, but we don’t do that anymore. We’re changing the channel in our brain and we’re not doing that anymore.” What I love about this is that she doesn’t go back and trash talk her younger self for criticizing photos, but instead she lifts herself up with this statement. “We don’t do that anymore.” We all have past behaviors, beliefs, ways of living or treating people. But every day is a new day. It’s a new day to say, “I did that before, but we don’t do that anymore.” Of course if you’re dealing with something like an addiction or behavior that is negatively impacting your life or others, please get help and a support team to work through it. For me, this resonates a lot with replaying my day. Years ago when I was in my 20’s, I would go to bed and then mentally replay my day and analyze every conversation and thing I said or email I sent. I would worry if something hurt someone’s feelings or if I said something that could be misunderstood. I was so worried about messing up. I don’t do that anymore.

I have like 20 others, but this has been a really draining post to write. Way more emotional than I expected. I’ll do a part 2, but for now I’m going to leave it at this and go outside and go for a long walk. Love you so much. Thank you as always for reading and being a part of this with me.

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